I sometimes get the urge to clean. The problem is, where do you begin, and where do you stop?
When this rare and momentous thing happens, I end up cleaning and cleaning and cleaning and I start thinking about everything else that needs cleaning and if I'm gonna clean the dishes and countertops, might as well clean out the cupboards and if I clean out the cupboards, I might as well reline them with something that isn't a pattern of pots and pans amidst flowers circa 1974, and if I do that, then I might as well throw out everything that isn't being used, and if I do THAT, then I have to go to the Salvation Army, and if I do THAT, well, I might as well gather everything else in the house that needs to go there to make the trip worthwhile and if I do THAT, then I'm gonna notice the mess happening in the rest of the house, so then I'll have to organize everything, AAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
And then I don't do anything. 'Cause I just did it all, in my head, and I'm tired, dammit, leave me alone.
See, I really want to organize everything. I have these moments where I try to match up all the socks. I file all the papers in a neat filing system. I fold the towels, and finally put them away. I find a place for stuff, and put stuff in it. I clean up the kitchen at least once, maybe twice a day for about a week.
And then, I think: "It feels like all I do is clean. Why bother? This is lots of fun, living day to day cleaning everything, feeling this gray dull sense of satisfaction from the fact that my kitchen is clean and so is the bathroom and I finally put all those papers where they were supposed to go. All I can think about is what else I should be cleaning, and all I do is clean. For what? So the Joneses can not judge my poor housekeeping?" Well, guess what: the Joneses aren't my kind of people, anyways. They ain't coming for dinner anytime soon.
Sometimes I feel I'm just not an organizer. It just does not come to me naturally, I say to myself, and that's just the way I am. I don't get it, how other people, their sock drawer practically organizes itself, everything in its place because that's just how one lives. It doesn't come naturally to me, I have to think about it, ALL THE TIME if I want it to happen. And who wants to think about that all the time? Not me. Maybe you're "supposed" to. Maybe that's the trick or secret of an organized life: care about perfection at all costs.
Is it that I don't care, or care too much? Like, if I can't make it perfect, why bother trying at all?
Ah. Yes. If I can't make it perfect, don't bother trying at all.
Not profound, and not something I should be proud of thinking. Nonetheless, in my head.
I drive myself crazy thinking about everything and how it "should be" sometimes. Wouldn't it be nice if the house was organized? Why can't I just put everything away? Why do I have to think about this anymore? Why don't I just do it? Even my blog is a mess. Nothing in it's place. No sense of organization. What is my problem? Why am I beating the crap out of myself?
No more. Think about what makes you truly happy, day to day.
Is it the house that's always clean,
or the puppy that makes you laugh running around the house that's sometimes clean?
1 comment:
I totally understand. Like in my mind I've done almost everything there is to do. I've built my dream cabin on the water, My current house is all renovated, I've sky dived, and done all the million of adventurous daring things there are to do.
Then, like waking from an amazing dream, I come to, look around, and nothing has changed except months have gone by and I am still in the same place doing the same thing. WHAT A RUDE AWAKENING!!
Instead of doing I was thinking....and by doing this I have lost a whole bunch of time from this life. So what has stopped me from actually doing, you ask? Well if I knew the answer I wouldn't be writing this blog.
I guess organization does play a big role, and the more you think about the steps you need to take in order to accomplish something the more drained and tired you do get. After all you have already done it in your head.
Which brings me to a new point. If what you focus on expands and your thoughts create your reality and all matter around you, then I figure I'm ahead of the game and actually not wasting time at all. I'm creating-Things should start showing up any time now.
Y'all will be my first guests at my cabin.
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